Walking with You

Lost again

2012-01-28T23:11:00.000-08:00

To wait on the Lord on my life's direction
And to continue to walk with Him closely
It's easy when my life is just me

It now gets more complicated when i have another person to think about
What's worse when we are heading on quite different directions
Even the things we enjoy are different

It's a struggle that no one will understand
No words can describe the turmoil in me
Life was much simpler once upon a time

But the Lord reminds me to wait upon Him
Waiting can be frustrating
I get impatient when the waiting doesnt seem to be heading anywhere
And start to question if this waiting is what the Lord intends for me to do

It's frustrating
But the Lord continues to speak to me in various ways
Sometimes its comforting
Sometimes it just gets me even more frustrated...

To those ppl who do not understand
I'm as if a troublemaker
Who finds nothing but troubles
And thinks to much, worry to much

But deep inside
I know it has to mean something
There is a me inside who is crying out

Often than not i am lost myself

What about short term issues that i don't agree with?
Do i sit here and wait on the Lord that he will reveal himself?
Or should i voice out and get myself into another mess
I hate confrontation
Coz in the end i don't really get anywhere
But i could be wrong... Maybe it will get me somewhere... Someday

I am lost
Just as always
How many times have i been lost
Too many to keep count

2012-01-12T05:41:00.000-08:00

And it was written...

"The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge" (Prov 1:7)

Opening of a new chapter...a new year

2012-01-07T17:10:00.000-08:00

2012 is here
And it's time to get those lazy bums on track and face the new year, new challenges
2011 has been quite a year for me

Got engaged
Got married
Moved out of my home
Moved in with Hern

I would be lying if i say everything went smoothly
Life as always..isn't a bed of roses
Hiccups are unavoidable
It's how I overcome the hiccups that matters

God has been good to me
2011 has been a really enriching year
And at the end of 2011 I am still thanking God for His many blessings

Now come 2012
With more challenges ahead
And I've sorta grown out of making resolutions
Maybe a lil here and there
But above all the petty resolutions
I pray to continue walking with God in this new year
To continue to count my blessings
To open my eyes, my ears and my heart to Him
And to offer myself willingly when I am called

I pray for another enriching journey this 2012

2011-12-10T17:03:00.001-08:00

Watch over us, Lord

What am I fighting for

2011-12-10T05:47:00.000-08:00

What really am I fighting for?
Some may ask
In fact I do question myself at times

I guess...it's the little hope
The faith
That I have
That I am fighting for

The irony of life

2011-12-10T05:39:00.000-08:00

At Worship Practice I felt a certain kinda peace
Yea...the peace that I've been missing for a while

My mind has been running wild lately
It hasn't been at peace
Some days i thought i might just wake up one day and can't even differentiate my thoughts from reality

I asked God
Where should I go from here?
What should I do?
I turn right I hit a wall
I turn left I hit another
And in the end..i just stood still not turning
And get caught in between

It's been a struggle
A real struggle

And as I stood there..singing
I think..i hear God
"Trust in me, your Lord. Let me lead you."

Yea, I always say I will let God lead
But then I will take them back
And start plotting my ways
And when my ways don't seem to work
I start to get upset
And started going all crazy again
It's a cycle
A vicious cycle
And I've been running in circles

I know letting God lead me will mean I have to part with certain things that means a lot to me
But right now
God is telling me
Stop thinking about others
Think about yourself and me (God)
It's all that matters

And then it just got me thinking
I've always been the girl who wants to really give my all for something
And if it fails..I will have no regrets
Just like how I changed my course from Medicine to Pharmacy
I gave my all
I fought to the last (as much as the resources allow)
And when I got into Pharmacy School
Though a little upset at first
At least I have no regrets
I tried my best
It just did not work
And i have to work with the best I have

I guess in life it's like that
I don't wanna give up on something and regret later in life
I guess we have the same fighting spirit in life
It's just that we are fighting on a different thing
It almost looks like we are fighting against each other
Which makes it all so complicated
Such an irony

I know I'm letting go of something so precious
But I believe God will be by my side
I will not be alone.

A year down the road
I will look back at this post
And I wonder what kinda thoughts will come to my mind...

Right now I can just surrender all to Him
And to continue to let Him guide me
I am just helpless and lost

2011-12-10T04:56:00.000-08:00

Josie told me once
"What could be worse than dying?
And Jesus has conquered death.
So rejoice cause there is nothing to fear"

2011-10-31T06:06:00.000-07:00

A friend commented that he likes the song Five Loaves and Two Fishes
And as i listen back to the song
It got me thinking again
Yea...there have been moments in my life that I've told God
Take me..mould me..into whom you want me to be

But when the pleasures and worries in my life began to creep in
I start to lose it again

A little boy of thirteen was on his way to school
He heard a crowd of people laughing and he went to take a look
Thousands were listening to the stories of one man
He spoke with such wisdom, even the kids could understand

The hours passed so quickly, the day turned to night
Everyone was hungry but there was no food in sight
The boy looked in his lunchbox at the little that he had
He wasn't sure what good it'd do, there were thousands to be fed

But he saw the twinkling eyes of Jesus
The kindness in His smile
And the boy cried out
With the trust of a child
he said:

"Take my five loaves and two fishes
Do with it as you will
I surrender
Take my fears and my inhibitions
All my burdens, my ambitions
You can use it all to feed them all"

I often think about that boy when I'm feeling small
And I worry that the work I do means nothing at all

But every single tear I cry is a diamond in His hands
And every door that slams in my face, I will offer up in prayer

So I'll give you every breath that I have
Oh Lord, you can work miracles
All that you need is my "Amen"

So take my five loaves and two fishes
Do with it as you will
I surrender
Take my fears and my inhibitions
All my burdens, my ambitions
You can use it all
I hope it's not too small

I trust in you
I trust in you

So take my five loaves and two fishes
Do with it as you will
I surrender
Take my fears and my inhibitions
All my burdens, my ambitions
You can use it all
No gift is too small

Fears...wanting to be in control..not trusting God enough??
I guess..i've been guilty of all those
Why can't I just surrender my lil gifts and let Him make them big

I have to lift them up to Him
and yes..i can't just sit here and wait for it to happen
I have to intentionally take the step

Footstool Players

2011-10-29T07:57:00.000-07:00

Just got back from the Footstool Players' play
It was great :)
Random jokes+soul touching moments+God's words being shared
And their acting are just awesome

Just to share some of the songs that was played during the play:

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Will you forgive, will you forget?
Will you live what you know?
He left his rights-will you leave yours?
You won't understand it
Let it go

Will you forgive, will you forget?
Wil you live what you know?
Beneath the cross, you hear his words:
"Father, forgive them
And you know
You can't understand it
Let it go

So take my five loaves and two fishes
Do with it as you will
I surrender
Take my fears and my inhibitions
All my burdens, my ambitions
You can use it all
No gifts is too small

'Cause it was you who paid the highest price for broken jars of clay
And you still choose to use my life for your glory displayed
And I think of you who shines with endless light through broken jars of clay
And I think of you redeeming every part of each day that you've made
And I think of you

I was running and you found me
I was blinded and you gave me sight
You put a song of praise in me
I was broken and you healed me
I was dying and you gave me life
Lord, you are my identity
I know who I am
I am yours
And you are mine
Jesus, you are mine

Restore to me the joy of your salvation
Restore to me the wonders of your love

Come all you weary with your heavy loads
Lay down your burdens, find rest your souls
'Cause my yoke is easy, my burden is kind
I'll take yours upon me and you can take mine
Come all you weary
Come gather round near me
Find rest for your souls

You who have begun this work will someday see
A potrait of the holiness you meant for me
Every layer of mine hides a lovely design
It might take a little patience, it migh take a little time
But you called me beautiful
When you saw my shame
And you placed me on the wall
Anyway

An hour with God

2011-09-02T21:25:00.000-07:00

Today I spent an hour walking
Many thoughts raced through my mind
And as I struggle through them...I asked God to speak to me
For non believers...it may just be a thought of the moment..or your conscience speaking to you
But for me, I believe that God and the Holy Spirit was speaking to me

The very verse that kept running through my mind was:
"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men" Colossions 3:23
I have tried to please men so much that I am losing myself
Then somewhere in the book The Myth of The Submissive Christian Woman, I read about how women tend to over-care when they care for someone..and overdo things thinking that they are doing it to please God...or to please men
I guess..I am guilty of this sometimes

There is a very fine line between caring and overcaring and often we crossed it without realising it
When caring starts to bring problems and bring us and others down...it's time we step back and reevaluate our actions
Some may view it as selfish when we do certain things...but as long as what we do is answerable to God and is to glorify God
It is all that matters
It's easier said than done
How many times have I chose to please men and please myself rather than to please God
How many times have I glorify myself than to glorify God
It's a constant struggle
And as long as we are alive...this struggle will continue

Hardship is good
It helps us to grow
I've been throw into one without much thought and was caught by surprise
But I am thankful that I have Him in my life
I have the Holy Spirit to guide me
I may not be at the end of the road yet
But at least I know..I am somewhat on the right track
I do sidetrack at times
But He pulls me back to track

*this post was written a few days ago...i'll publish it anyway*

Brother, Let Me Be Your Servant (Songs of Fellowship 1-54)

2011-08-28T06:55:00.000-07:00

Brother, Sister, let me serve you
Let me be as Christ to you;
Pray that I may have the grace
To let you be my servant, too.

We are pilgrims on a journey,
We are trav'llers on the road;
We are here to help each other
Walk the mile and bear the load.

I will hold the Christ-light for you
In the night-time of your fear;
I will hold my hand out to you,
Speak the peace you long to hear.

I will weep when you are weeping,
When you laugh I'll laugh with you;
I will share you joy and sorrow
Till we've seen this journey through.

When we sing to God in heaven
We shall find such harmony,
Born of all we've known together
Of Christ's love and agony.

Brother, Sister, let me serve you
Let me be as Christ to you;
Pray that I may have the grace
To let you be my servant, too.

-Composed by Richard Gillard-

A song that touched me during the service this morning
I hope I can be there for you
To hold the Christ-light for you
In the night-time of your fear
And hold my hand out to you
Speaking the peace you long to hear

I pray that I will be as Christ to you
And not be a stumbling block for you
Together we grow in Christ
And keep each other strong in Christ

Grant me the strength and the wisdom, Lord

2011-08-25T05:51:00.000-07:00

Father Lord,

Things have been pretty calm lately
It's not at it's best yet...
But at least it's on a "steady state"
For me at least

For the past few months
I have come to learn so much about myself
I've also come to realise how helpless and clueless I can be
And I cannot depend on my own wisdom
Coz I have none

I have to depend on You
I have to wait for Your timing
And while I wait
I have to keep praying
Keep strong
And keep Your words close to me

I am still weak
I still fall
I am still not on the right track

Lead me oh Lord
Guide me
Give me the strength to keep going

Walking in Your grace

2011-08-19T09:02:00.000-07:00

Have I glorified You in my actions?
Have I walked the way that will bring You glory?
Have I been doing things that are pleasing to You?

Where can I run to hide?
You know every single struggles that is in me
And You know how I fell again and again

When will I ever stop pleasing people and live a life that pleases You?
When will I give up myself and serve You?

Give me the strength to do the things that you want me to
Deliver me from the evil one
Give me the courage to face the challenges ahead
Open the way, oh Lord
Calm my troubled heart
Cleanse me, make me clean

Lift me up when I fall
And restore my strength when I run out of it
Give me the strength to carry on
Hold me tight

I need You.

Lift them up to You

2011-08-19T03:23:00.000-07:00

It's been a while
So many things took place in such a short span of time

Things that taught me so many new lessons
At some point I thought I got it..
And when I thought it all made sense..
Suddenly it did not

And at some point the feelings felt so right
I thought that is it
But then...suddenly it doesn't feel right again

The bouncing back and forth
And the confusion and struggles in me are really taking a toll on me

How I miss being the simple girl
Listening to the songs I love..
And enjoying the lil things in life
Not having to worry about much in life

I guess I've taken things into my hands for too long
Though I call you Lord
But how many times have I taken things into my own hands

Again and again I ended up feeling exhausted, drained and lost
I tried so hard
I held myself up so hard
But time and again I fell face down

I am weak on my own
And it's from You I gain my strength
But time and again I refuse the strength
I refuse the voice of the Holy Spirit
And time and again
I throw myself back into a mess

But today
Or should I make it everyday
I will leave them in your hands
I am not gonna think about the what ifs
I am just gonna leave them all in Your hands
So guide me, oh Lord
Speak to me
If it's here I have to stay
Then let it be
I will not reason with you with my own intelligence
But I'm gonna give it all to You

If others see it as I've given up
Let it be
As I believe that it's not giving up
But it's lifting up to You, Lord
And let You be the Lord of my life

Help me to leave my worries and troubles to You, Lord
And in all things
Keep my prayers strong
That is all I can and should do

In all things..I will turn my eyes to You, Lord.

LOVE

2011-07-09T16:29:00.000-07:00

Woke up feeling great on a Sunday morning
It feels like a heavy burden has been lifted off my chest

In just a span of 3 months I've come to understand and learn the real meaning of love
It might not be the whole meaning of it
But even a hint of it is enough to leave me in awe
It's a life lesson

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
(1 Corinthians 13:4 -8)

To understand and appreciate something...u really need to experience it
The more u struggled the more u will appreciate it
I am glad the struggle was all worth it
Now I feel renewed

I believe that we have a part to play in shaping our own lives
Whether we want it to be a happy one...a sad one...etc
It's what we choose to believe in
And it's what we choose to hold on to
Letting go of something can be hard...but when we learn to... we will see a whole new meaning to it..and sometimes... it actually releases us
In fact, sometimes letting go is exactly what we have to do...

I'm glad at how the whole situation has turned out to be
It will be sweet memories
Not scars.

Katharine Hepburn once said,

“Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get —

only with what you are expecting to give — which is everything.”

.

2011-04-05T08:46:00.000-07:00

The big day is in another 22 days time
It's a decision of a life time
If I look around me... I think I can manage this
And think that I'm ready for this

But if I look beyond my surroundings
If I look further into another surroundings
I don't think I'm quite ready
It would be easier if he was from the other surrounding
I would not have to look at certain ppl and wish mine was like that

It's complicated
Though we have decided to just leave it as it is
And chose not to discussed things that might cause any misunderstandings
But deep down there is always a if only

There are so many uncertainties in life
So many if onlys...
So many things that we wish would make things perfect
But I guess life is not a straight and easy path

It gets bumpy and windy at times
What's important is that the bumps and the windings make us stronger and wiser

Yea it's one of those dotted moments..
Moments when we should just let our minds go and keep our mouths shut

Lead me

2010-11-27T06:11:00.001-08:00

Is this the right move?
Lead me

Keep praying

2010-10-06T08:47:00.000-07:00

Today the tension is building up
I think I know who is the cause
But being the youngest in this house right now
I am in no position to 'advice' anyone

I can only keep praying for the situation to improve
And for things to get better

He makes the impossible....POSSIBLE

2010-09-29T18:36:00.000-07:00

God works in wonderous ways
A few weeks ago we were caught in a situation which seems like there was no way out

I'm not a person who like to share my problems with my Care Group
Coz sometimes i feel that other ppl need prayers more than myself...
I could pray for myself and probably ask my other close friends to pray for me
And save my Care Group one worry

However, coz i was so lost at that time....I thought i could get some advice from one of my care group members
And that was how they started praying for me and my family

And every morning I just wake up praising God for His goodness
How great thou art
How powerful is He
That he can make the impossible...possible

I remember telling my care group friend that...though now the situation seems impossible
I believe God will make it possible

And after almost 20 years....
The dream that we..the angels have been dreaming of finally came true

And it's wonderful to see the smiles
To share the laughters
And to see how everyone is opening up their hearts....to accept one another again
To love and to serve one another again
And I believe...this would not have been possible without God's help
We love because He first love us :)

And I pray that God will continue to guide us
And to bring us all closer to Him

Random thoughts

2010-09-22T09:26:00.000-07:00

I'm still wide awake at 12am
And since midnight and quiet times like this are usually more emo
I could blog a lil :)
Emo stuff...or just some thoughts

Was driving home from work when some thoughts just ran through my mind
I feel that I talk too much sometimes
And when my surroundings quieten down (while driving alone)
I tend to reflect on my words, acts or conversations with my friends

And today
I feel I've talked too much
And acted too "carelessly"

I sometimes say things for the sake of filling the silence without really thinking how those words are gonna reflect me
And more often than not, I regret saying things or making blunt comments

I wrote on a friends farewell card
"May you continue to shine for Him"
And that phrase just kept running through my mind..
I look at myself and asked if I am shining for Jesus?

And I feel so convicted
I doubt that I shine for Him much

Sometimes I am just so full of myself
And I do things to please myself, others and to make others think highly of me
It's always ME, MYSELF and I

And it's hardly, for Jesus

I've tried numerous time to put God first
But often my old self takes over
And I am back to putting myself first
Worshipping myself

But it's good that I realised it
Rather than just living with it and thinking that it is fine to be that way

So as for tonight onwards
I shall remind myself to put God first
Because I know how wonderful it is to put God first
Though it won't be easy

*******************************************************************

On a different note
I am glad that I've found God and how God is sending angels to help me through this difficult time
And also how the Holy Spirit is guiding me

I hope he will also come to God and walk with Him one day

No, I've not forgotten bout you :)

2010-09-07T08:21:00.000-07:00

Today God sent a little angel to remind me to keep blogging here
Yea, I admit I have neglected this blog for a while
And everytime i thought of something to blog, I do not have access to the internet (either I am driving or at work)

Anyways...just dropping by to say...that I will try to blog more often here :)

A challenge

2010-06-21T07:45:00.001-07:00

If i can spend hours on Facebook
Why can't I spend 15 mins with God?

Who Am I

2010-06-14T07:57:00.000-07:00

Do u sometimes feel that u are drifting away from God??

When u are so caught up with work
When u are so occupied with how to earn ur first million
When u are so occupied of with getting a new car
A new house
How to afford a trip to Europe
How to be financially independent and not work

I sometimes DO

The further i drift away from God
The more i feel suffocated
I don't know where to head
I don't know what to do
I feel like I am losing it

But everytime I turn my eyes back to Jesus
My troubled heart is calmed
It's like I've found my comfort, my shelter, my tower of refuge

A church friend posted a song "Who Am I by: Casting Crow" on facebook
And as i listen to the song closely..
I'm really touched
Sometimes i really feel i do not deserve the love
But yet He loves me

Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
Vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours

Who am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love and watch me rise again
Who am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
Vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
Vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours

I am Yours
Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear
'Cause I am Yours
I am Yours

NONE TOO SMALL

2010-05-16T07:54:00.000-07:00

Last night i missed my Daily Devotion
So i read yesterday's Daily Devotion article today
Again and again the Lord speaks to me through my Daily Devotion and quiet times...

The article answered the doubts i had yesterday
(Which means if i read them yesterday...i would have gotten the answer straight away)

Anyway..i was at a CML workshop with the CML patients' family yesterday...
*CML is a type of blood cancer*
The session was about the Max Family..a foundation that brings all the CML patients and their families together to share their worries and lives with CML

Through the workshop i saw real ppl...real ppl who had to live with CML
They may appear like normal ppl...but in reality they are living with a chronic disease ...and are constantly in a battle to stay alive...

Towards the end of the workshop...they showed a video on the CML patients all over the world...and how Max Family reaches out to these ppl...
I was moved by the video...and looking around the auditorium...I just can't believe that the ppl sitting in the auditorium are mostly CML patients...

Then the organiser mentioned about a donation box ...and asked if anyone would like to contribute to it...
At the moment...i had the urge to get my wallet..
but then..i pulled back...

"No one seems to be searching for their bags...."
"I doubt my little money will make any difference"
"The Foundation seems very well off...i think my little donation will not mean anything to them..."
"I don't think it is necessary"

I struggled with myself a little...
But in the end before i left..i dropped a 10 ringgit note into the donation box..
As i was walking to my car..i told myself...
Even though RM10 is not a big amount...i believe it will be put to good use...

And guess what was yesterday's Daily Devotion???
NONE TOO SMALL *click*

And this prayer just spoke right to my heart...
"Dear Lord, thank you for taking our small offerings and using them in big ways. Help us never to hold back, thinking that what we offer is too small, but to give with honest heart. In the name of Jesus Christ. Amen."

A non believer might just brush it off as a mere coincidence...but i believe...that is what the Lord wants to tell me today :)

And guess what...i actually read David's post on our little contributions a few days ago too..
Isn't it amazing???

Come to Jesus

2010-05-09T07:25:00.000-07:00

Weak and wounded sinner
Lost and left to die
O, raise your head, for love is passing by

Come to Jesus
Come to Jesus
Come to Jesus and live!

Now your burden's lifted
And carried far away
And precious blood has washed away the stain, so

Sing to Jesus
Sing to Jesus
Sing to Jesus and live!

And like a newborn baby
Don't be afraid to crawl
And remember when you walk
Sometimes we fall...so

Fall on Jesus
Fall on Jesus
Fall on Jesus and live!

Sometimes the way is lonely
And steep and filled with pain
So if your sky is dark and pours the rain, then

Cry to Jesus
Cry to Jesus
Cry to Jesus and live!

O, and when the love spills over
And music fills the night
And when you can't contain your joy inside, then

Dance for Jesus
Dance for Jesus
Dance for Jesus and live!

And with your final heartbeat
Kiss the world goodbye
Then go in peace, and laugh on Glory's side, and

Fly to Jesus
Fly to Jesus
Fly to Jesus and live!

*************************************************************

I've come to realise that nothing last forever,
Not even love (which we once so naively) thought would,
But at least we know for sure that,
His love endures forever.

At times when you don't know whom to turn to
Turn to Jesus
Turn to Jesus

For He listens to you
He understands even before you speaks

And answers even before you pray

Thank you, Lord.

With You, I will make it

2010-03-21T08:02:00.000-07:00

May the words of my mouth and the thoughts of my heart
Bless Your name, bless Your name, Jesus
And the deeds of the day and the truth in my ways
Speak of You, speak of You, Jesus

For this is what I'm glad to do
It's time to live a life of love that pleases You
And I will give my all to You
Surrender everything I have and follow You
I'll follow You

Lord, will You be my vision, Lord, will You be my guide
Be my hope, be my light and the way
And I'll look not for riches, nor praises on earth
Only You'll be the first of my heart

I will follow
I will follow
I will follow You

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I was lost
I asked for directions
I did not know whom to turn to
So I made a short prayer...a cry to You

And You led me to an article
After reading the article..
I kinda understood what You wanted me to do

But a small part of me is still unsettled
Right now I still don't see the light
And I am still troubled

Grant me patience and wisdom to overcome this situation
It's gonna be a long way
But I will make it...with You.

Ms 'Half-hearted'

2010-01-22T08:41:00.000-08:00

Today we learnt about the 3 types of disciple

1. The Impulse: Mr 'Too Quick'
2. The Cautious : Mr 'Too Slow'
3. The Changeable : Mr 'Half-hearted'

And of the 3, i think i can relate more to the third one. The Mr 'Half-hearted' or Ms if u wish.
Sometimes I just wanna worship God, let Him lead me..and serve Him
But I am pulled back by my commitments, work, family, friends, bf...etc etc...

And the Lord says that we should take up our cross and follow Him if we want to be His disciple.
It's not easy
Everyone struggles with it.
We human beings are just too comfortable in our comfort zones
Or secured positions
And we would not wanna trade it with uncertainties....
And risking not having a place to put our heads

And just to share some random bits that struck me today:

To give up our little ambitions for the Kingdom of God, for something greater.
To put God before everything

Though a bit incoherent...but these are some of the points worth pondering :)
Good nite. ZZZZZzzzzzzzzzz

Ever Living God

2009-12-22T05:46:00.001-08:00

Just to share a new song (to me) which we'll be singing this Xmas in church

Hypocrite, am I?

2009-12-20T02:51:00.000-08:00

Was singing this song at church this morning....
When i reached the part where it says...

"I will sing forever, Jesus I love you, Jesus I love you"

I stopped...

it's such a strong phrase...Jesus, I love u...

I began to question myself...
Do I love Jesus?
If i do...does it show thru me..thru my actions..my words...and my daily devotion

Aren't I being a hypocrite if i sing " Jesus, I love u"...but i dun follow His words...and I do not grow nearer to Him.

I felt so guilty when that phrase was being sung over and over again.
Like a plastic apple, I felt.

But it is said that...God will not love u any less if u are bad...
He loves us just the same

Does that mean i can continue to be the old me and take His love for granted?
NO!

Live a life of gratitude for His love and sacrifice and salvation.
Every Sunday...I am reminded again and again of the old me that I am still turning back into over the week..

I ask for ur forgiveness Lord
I will not ignore the voice of the Holy Spirit.
Guide me, oh Lord.

We Are The Reason

2009-12-19T21:53:00.000-08:00

With Xmas around the corner...
I'd like to share this song which fell in love with the first time i heard it

We Are The Reason

Lost

2009-12-02T04:56:00.000-08:00

Speak to me

I am lost

Calm the storm in me, Lord

2009-11-29T02:05:00.000-08:00

Why the struggle in me?
Which way should i go?
What should i do next?

I thought I heard You
But I am not sure

Help me to calm the storm within me

The evil one

2009-10-30T16:51:00.000-07:00

"Get rid of all the things that can stop u from getting close to God"

It's impossible to stop sinning...coz we aren't perfect.
But we should strive to minimise it

However, what if there is one that u know u can stop...but at the same time u dun know how to?
Caught in between
That is where i am.

It's hard growing up
Life is not about exams, girlfriends, school holidays and tuition classes anymore

It's about the rat race
It's about how to survive in this 'world'

Money which did not use to be THAT important now seems crucial
Cars, houses, family
How to own one when u dun have the evil one - money?

And so I pray.
Guide me, teach me, help me.

2009-10-05T05:27:00.000-07:00

All these thoughts running thru my head..
All these uncertainties
All these hopes and wishes

Only You can see
Only You can understand

Hold me close.
Lead me.
Teach me.

God's Chisel

2009-09-16T06:59:00.000-07:00

"They are rejecting God
Not you."

Certain things happened this week which makes me feeling rejected
But I recalled what Weng Onn told me once
"They are not rejecting you, they are rejecting God."

As a defence, we don't fight back
Coz if we do, we actually make things worse
Instead, we pray that God will work in their hearts
Soften their hearts, and make them see.

Check out this clip:

"God's Chisel"

Have u been close to Him?

2009-08-27T05:33:00.000-07:00

Have u been close to God lately?
Have u been reading His words?
Or spending time talking to Him?

I haven't.

But I am thankful that God has sent so many angels to support me...
To keep me in check
And to encourage me

I shall read my Daily Bread every night (since morning is such a rush)

I am looking forward to the church camp!!!
I miss DCMC camps!!!

**By taking the time just to be with the Lord, we are fed, refreshed and renewed.**

Lead me, Lord

2009-08-24T04:26:00.000-07:00

Dear Lord,

You know what's bothering me right now
The uncertainties..
The doubts...
The fears...

I hate to make decisions
Esp when things are going all "fine"...
I hate to throw peebles into still water

Coz in the end... I will be the one feeling guilty and at blame

Lead me, Lord
Show me the way

Jesus You are My Healer by Don Moen

2009-07-07T06:35:00.000-07:00

With so many ppl failing sick ...
And some people facing terminal illnesses...

This song reminds me again and again that Jesus is our Healer..

He heals the sick
He heals the blind
He heals the broken hearted
He heals us all

I'm Yours

2009-07-05T04:15:00.000-07:00

Found this cute video on Youtube...

God's Angel

2009-07-02T20:01:00.000-07:00

God always have His angels around us...
Whenever we are lost...
Just look around...and u'll sure find God's angel...just waiting for u to call out

Last night was a mess
I took things into my hands and uttered words that I shouldn't have... (or so i thought)

Hearts were broken...
But I just felt that it should be said...

The outcome was bad...
I was left feeling guilty and not knowing how to mend the situation

But God sent His angel...
To guide me...and to offer me some comforting words..

I could have been too naive to be so aggressive
I still have a big mess to clear up...

Keep praying and I believe God will do miracles

Lost

2009-07-02T07:56:00.001-07:00

Have i gone too far?
Have i pushed too hard?

I really don't know how should i handle this
And all I can do is just to pray...

For God to work miracles..
I guess this is yet another testing time for me

I am lost

Calm this troubled heart, oh Lord

2009-06-28T08:06:00.000-07:00

Calm this troubled heart, oh Lord

Should I make a decision now?
Or should I put it aside, like I always do?

It hurts me everytime when it's not going the way I want
It hurts me sometimes when certain words are uttered or when certain topics are raised

Where should I go from here?

Soften the harden hearts, oh Lord.
Let them see Your greatness...

In Jesus name
Amen

Thank You Lord

2009-04-28T06:49:00.001-07:00

My little prayer

2009-04-22T07:23:00.000-07:00

Dear Lord,

You know what i am going through
You know what my concerns are
You know what my heart desires

Probably You have chosen me
Or I won't be in this situation where I am right now

I believe You reigns
And You are in control of everything

Nothing is beyond Your control
And You will be by my side

Changes..No one likes changes..
No one likes new challenges..
But You are giving me the word to GO!
If that is Your will...i will follow

Though I am worried about a lot of things...
About how I am to cope with such a mess and get it all straightened up in a week's time
And how things will turn out eventually..
But I know You will not test me beyond my ability
And You will make ways for me...

So..give me the strength...
and grant me the wisdom
To do what I should do...
And guide me through this difficult times

Thank you for Your love
For the opportunity to challenge myself..
And to grow...

And I pray this...in Jesus name
AMEN

**A few months down the road...I'll probably look back at this prayer and smile to myself**

Faithful Lord

2009-02-27T08:51:00.001-08:00

Our Lord will not test us beyond our ability
He is always moulding us and preparing us for a bigger 'mission'

Draw me closer

Focus on God

2009-02-15T19:08:00.000-08:00

I am a person who thinks a lot
The more i think ...the more worried I get..and I'll fall into the demon's temptation
I hate it when that feeling hits me..
I feel out of control and it's as if I am on an automated mode..

But last Sunday's service God draws me back again
He never gives up on me
Though I've drifted away due to work commitments and my addiction

He continues to draw me close..and continues to remind me that He is still with me

After the sermon I felt refresh again
It's been some time since I last had that feeling
Just like what the pastor mentioned..sometimes going to church and CG has become a routine...a ritual...

How many of you have experienced being away from God???
The feeling of loneliness...uneasiness and as if you are all by urself with you neverending piles of commitments and expectations...
I dreaded it...but I always drift away when I am loaded with problems and clouded by the earthly temptations...

Last week's service brought me back to God...
And when i'm back..
I can feel the joy... the relief...the burden lifted from my shoulders
my world is now filled with colours...

I will remember what the pastor said..
"Focus on Goliath, we stumble
Focus on God, Goliath tumble"

He is with me

2009-02-04T23:22:00.000-08:00

As the day draws nearer, I feel at peace
I am more certain with my decision and knows what I want

I guess our Lord is slowly working in me...calming me down..and whispering to me..
Telling me that...it's gonna be alright

It might be a shock to some ppl...
My decision doesn't reflect the usual me..oh well..looks can be deceiving, I guess...
Or probably coz i've finally thought it over and decided to take a brave step

I am still unsure what's gonna happen after this but I believe it's gonna be something wonderful
A step that I will not regret.

My lil prayer

2009-01-30T04:43:00.000-08:00

They say if you have prayed about it...you should leave it to Him
He will lead and guide you.
U will feel relieved and stress-less

But why do i still feel the uneasiness??

Oh Lord...I still have 2 months to complete everything, pack and leave
When i think of leaving..i'm actually very relieved..
But I am a person who is afraid of change...that is why i am troubled.

2 months and i'll just do my best..I dun wanna leave with a bad name
I wanna leave with a good name

Lord, comfort me
Give me a peaceful heart
Take my worries away
Take my illness away
Free me from worries
Watch over me
Guide me
Teach me
Calm me

Glory to the Lord

2008-04-16T06:20:00.000-07:00

Something happened recently which makes me feel that the real world is very cruel..
When we do good and work hard... 'they' don't see it
But when something goes wrong...then..be prepared to face the music...

It's just cruel..and sometimes it makes me feel worthless :(

It's times like these that i recall what my churchies told me....
We can never please everyone...
But the most important thing is...
we do all things to glorify God..and to please Him..

He fills me

2008-04-09T04:26:00.000-07:00

Time flies when I am working.It's already the middle of the week...
Soon it will be the weekend...then another week..and another...

It just scares me sometimes..

When I stop to think ...sometimes life seems a bit meaningless..
I work ..earn money..then spend it off by the end of the month..
And the cycle repeats itself till I am 55 and ready to retire..

If Hern becomes a rich man or I struck the lottery ..then I might get to retire early..
Go round the world..Shop shop and shop..

But in the end...nothing seems to satisfy me..
Somehow .. there seems to be an emptiness in me..
It's just not right...I just feel incomplete...

But I thank God that when I turn to Him, I see hope.
I see the reason to live... I see the beauty of life and pray that He will continue to guide me to do what I am made to do.

Maybe you might not understand how I feel...but when u come to experience His greatness then you will know..

Doubts

2008-02-02T10:02:00.000-08:00

I had doubts
I asked God to show me the way
and He did.

'Treasure what you have now. Keep things simple.'

Latest update

2008-01-17T18:33:00.000-08:00

I've finally found a church..
Found as in...found a church which i will settle down in
It's a Methodist Church and it's in English
So it's all good..

Been to the church service twice....things are still foreign to me..still learning to adapt to the new things..
Will attend their cell group (known as care group here) tonight
It's a lil different though...i used to go to Youth Cell Group..
This one is a mixture...and most of them are...adults...errr..kinda like..my mum's age..
Hehehe...Will see how it goes tonight...
Well probably it's a better environment for me to learn and grow :P
Ping will be joining me for the caregroup tonite..
she's been real good...tagging along every week... I hope she will learn more about the Bible and come to know God :)

I miss DCMC

2008-01-07T08:38:00.000-08:00

Back in Penang now..
Still searching for a church to settle down
It's not easy...I miss my church in Dunedin...I miss our small family there. :(
Glad that mum and Ping are going to church with me now...
But they tend to get bored easily during the sermon..
I need ur prayers...for my family as well as for myself.

God is good

2007-12-21T02:42:00.000-08:00

God is good....all the time
:)

Words

2007-10-31T05:55:00.000-07:00

The power of words..
I shall remember that my words reflect... my thoughts, my character, my intentions..in short...ME

I shall:
* Speak more kind words
* Speak encouraging words
* Not belittle others
* Not be sarcastic

Been slacking a bit since my last exams...
I should be reading more books or my Bible..
But I'm glad Jo Ooi updates her blog so regularly..at least..while doing my non-beneficial surfing on the internet....i get to read her posts :)

"God uses many ways to bring us close to Him"

And to my little sister....Whenever you feel that you can't take it anymore...remember that...God will make a way...And He is always there guiding you...and watching over you. :)

Judging others

2007-10-19T11:36:00.000-07:00

My favourite parable in the Bible is about 'JUDGING OTHERS'
It's about a woman being judged by the people because she committed adultery
But when the people took her to Jesus...
Jesus told them ...."whoever that has never sin can judge her"
Then Jesus bent down and wrote something on the ground...
When he looked up again....All the people had left
Then Jesus told the woman to go and not sin again.

Well...often times we 'judge others'
As defined by Charles (from my Bible study)..
Judging is using our own knowledge or opinion to measure a person
It's more like prejudging someone...coming to a conclusion about someone without knowing the whole story
We judge others without understanding why someone does something
And almost always we judge NEGATIVELY

The characteristics of someone who judges others are:
Self-righteous and arrogant

What then is the difference between 'judging' and 'differentiating between right and wrong'
I shared that... in the context of differentiating between right and wrong...
Right is right and wrong is wrong
But in the context of judging...
Right can be right and wrong can be wrong..
Well...everyone got confused with my definition...hhahaha ok..blame it on my spinning head..din think straight enough..hahhhaha
Actually..what i was trying to say..was...when we judge others...we based it on our own standard...if someone does something wrong....we may judge it as right...(especially if that person is our friend)
Alternatively, when our enemy does something right..we might say it is wrong..
So basically...we judge based on our own standard
However differentiating between right and wrong is not based on our standards
It is based on God's standard ...and God's standard comes from the Bible :)

So....the lessons i learnt yesterday was...
1. NOT TO JUDGE OTHERS because i have no right to do so.....I am a sinner myself.... I do bad things too... The only one who can judge others is God.
2. To know God's standard we have to read the Bible...how can we say that we follow God's teaching but not read the Bible??

Finally.... a verse to ponder on
Luke 6:46 "Why do you call me Lord, Lord and do not do what I tell you?"

Jesus and the Pharisees

2007-10-05T16:22:00.000-07:00

Last night we had our Bible study and we learnt about The Pharisees and Jesus

Luke 5:27 - 6:11

The Pharisees

They were the church leaders back then

They knew the Bible very well

They followed the Law and Custom strictly

They believed that by obeying the 10 Commandments they will go to Heaven

They looked at others as sinners, of lower status and they looked at works and appearance.

Jesus

Knows the Bible very well TOO

Do not follow Customs and Law blindly

Says that it is through Him that we can get eternal life

Treat the law as something to help us know what is wrong and what is right...it is not there to make life hard for us..but to help us to lead a good and God-like life

Look at what is in our hearts...not merely at our works and appearance.

From this Bible study I learnt that we are all like the Pharisees sometimes (if not most of the time)...

We tend to look at what is on the outside and at ppl's works..

We point our fingers and blame others

We are hypocrites

And even though we know the Bible...we study it....How much do we apply it to our lives??

Are we only Holy during church services..but when we leave the church ground..our evil selves take over again???

This is something I should always remind myself about...being a Christian and leading a Christian life is not just about going to church and showing other ppl how Christian or how Holy I am....

It is about my relationship with God... how i can live out the Christian life...How I can be a testimony and to glorify God...will ppl look at me and say...

Is that what you call a Christian??

or will they say...

She must be a Christian..

It's not easy...and many times..my evil side prevails...but... that doesn't mean i have to give up and give in....

Instead...I have to persist..and keep striving to be better...

Josie shared that...sometimes when we are angry at someone...we lose control ...we vent our anger...we talk behind their backs...and we do things that we know we should not do... which we regret after that...

Instead the next time when we are angry at someone...calm ourselves down...throwing tantrum and scolding them behind their backs will not do good to anyone (except maybe we might feel a little better..hehe opps)...instead it will only make the Devil cheer and celebrate

So..the application for this week..Do not be like the Pharisees...strive to be more like Jesus :)

In Christ Alone

2007-10-05T16:06:00.000-07:00

Another nice song to share...
Josie taught us this song during the church camp..

Give thanks

2007-10-02T06:12:00.000-07:00

After some thought...i think i was quite wrong to say that i will not update this page as frequent..
in fact..i shud be updating more here rather than in my another blog..
coz everyday...and almost all the time... i see and experience the great things that the Lord has done and is doing for me..

And as i am typing this...it's snowing out there..or rather hailing...Praise the Lord..for the wonderful creation..and the opportunity to study abroad..and also to experience all these wonderful things :)

I've just got back from my Elective meeting with the Hot Chicks..and Val kept praising the Lord for His help and guidance throughout our research project...
Whenever we were lost...He sends someone..(either Dot, Norman ..etc..) to help us..and it takes more than just a coincident for those things to occur...

1) for getting Dr Dorothy's project and I can proudly say that she is the most wonderful supervisor
2) for having Norman to help us throughout the research ...and if it weren't because of him...we wouldn't be able to produce this piece of work
3) a few times when we faced problems with our experiments...we will 'miraculously' bump into a saviour... those ppl always happen to appear at the right times..and the right places
4) to be able to get all the work done in time.. to be able to start preparing for exams...
5) to work with the other 3 hot chicks....and for the wonderful times spent during the elective project.

For all these..I give thanks to the Lord.. :)

I will sing

2007-10-01T22:50:00.001-07:00

Val bought me a book today..for my coming Birthday :)
It's called Captivating by John & Stasi Eldredge
I've started reading it...it's a book for woman...unveiling the mystery of a woman's soul..
that shud be interesting :P

also..i found this song on youtube by Don Moen called... I will sing..
A beautiful song that speaks my heart..

Sometimes God seems really far from reach...when we are clouded with problems...faced with exams...and we just dunno how to pray..dunno what to say...wonder if our prayers matter...and if God will even listen..

Val shared with me today that...it's not what's in the prayers that matter..it's who listens to it that matters...God listen to our prayers..and when we humble ourselves..and cry out to Him..He will always be there for us..

Like this song...no matter how busy life gets..and how bad the situation in front of me gets....I WILL SING...and I WILL CONTINUE TO SING

Walking with Jesus

2007-10-01T22:37:00.000-07:00

I've always wanted to start a blog talking more about my spiritual life..
but i'm afraid that i will not update it that frequently....but after reading Jo's blog..i guess...it's time for me to start one..
so...join me in my journey to grow spiritually..and to walk with Him :)